[LEAKED] iPhone 5 Review

ok guys, here's deal. please promise remains here in forums only. don't want happened gizmodo happen me. without further ado, here's review you've been waiting for.

unboxing

iphone 5 came in sealed box morning. trusted source mr. x somehow managed 1 , sneak me. here am, first non-apple employee hands on iphone 5. put things perspective, let me describe box first. box measures 115.2x58.6x9.3mm, same size current iphone 4. box only, mind you, meaning contains instruction manual, earphones, charger , whatnot. time seemed pass admired box, , not long later, 2 hours later.

standard accessories included charger, earphones, user manual…and….here's catch, osx lion installation thumbdrive!

charger:

there have been rumors apple researching on new ways charge phone - , charger fruit of labour. inductive charging? apple, ten years ago. charger's manual states uses "virtual quantum particles" in vacuum charge iphone, , can achieve 90hours of battery life during 30min charge. excited , decided test out. iphone came 43% battery life. when put iphone near charger(please bear in mind charger need not placed in electrical outlet), battery life increased 1% every few seconds. magical. added bonus, during full charge phrase, charger allows select preloaded movie played on iphone rather dull "charging" screen. included movies "teletubbies , half-blood spongebob" or "bananas in pyjamas". such quality shows, never bored while iphone charges again!

earphones:

apple earphones suck, , first give them away apple fanboy cousins when bought iphone. however, different. according sources, apple wants "significantly focus on audio entertainment", thus, time, included earphones include active dsp crossover, 10 balanced armature drivers per side, digital amplifier , double frequency splitter system. also, shell of earphones automatically change it's shape ears, , software inside takes account head related transfer function give best sound quality. of these weighing 14g. think closest thing can use describe jh3a.

lion:

excited when got lion thumbdrive. however, when inserted iphone (it has usb port now), gave me troll face. guess apple trolling me now.

a5 chip:

many people have been saying a5 chip not implemented new iphone because of battery or heat issues. now, after testing it, think got wrong. after playing starcraft 2 , crysis 2 on iphone, not @ 60fps constantly, iphone never heats above 26c. however, suppose because of liquid cooling system inside iphone. when disabled it, managed fry not eggs, managed bbq few chicken wings iphone. remember not long ago, uncle steve said wanted unify apple devices, guess igrill function in iphone 5 too.

besides games, managed few benchmarks on iphone 5. suppose a5 chip used here different ipad2. when ran geekbench on it, recognized iphone "mac pro xeon" , gave me 21225. guess it's little buggy here … :/

design , construction:

iphone 5 looks iphone 4. there nothing comment on here. led flash away main cam (as rumored) , antennas better placed.

battery:

apple claims 90hours of battery life here. far, have gotten 15 hours, , have been looping "teletubbies" on 15 hours on full brightness , sound. besides annoying neighbors , making parents think complete retard, battery life has gone down 3%. guess have report later on issue.

screen:

unfortunately, screen size remained @ 3.5". however, here comes new revolutionary feature - apple managed stack 10 ips displays , stuff them iphone. results in true 3d, apple said, not gimmicky ones "trick" eyes thinking 3d, layers of displays turn on , off depending on depth want, creating nice 3d view @ viewing angles.

liquid metal:

iphone 5 has full unibody construction of liquid metal. ensures full unscratchibility , hardness of iphone. on way school today, saw thugs trying rob poor lady. without second thought, threw iphone 5 straight @ them. not iphone 5 unaffected, thugs looked though attacked axe wielding maniac , chainsaw psycho combined. pity them. new iphone 5, new hero in town, without wearing underwear on outside or sticking walls.

timeface:

when announced facetime iphone 4 year ago, apple not happy. year, came new concept - timeface. allows user take photos of themselves, use complex algorithms make younger or older when chatting on facetime. in opinion, rather useless feature. however, interesting now, timeface, facetime changed - now, can chat people face face in full 3d. awesome

camera:

apple did not disappoint here. wanted keep out of mp wars, , did. one-upped putting 1.3mp camera inside iphone 5. however, promised photo quality of d7000 level, guess says something. test shortly.

chick magnet:

i've heard apple products can chick magnets. iphone 5 better. not iphone attract chicks it, managed somehow entice hamsters (who afraid of me) come , make new home. let's hope doesn't take dump on it. pics proof.

conclusion:

now! opps, mean when it's announced.

sorry if got hopes

coming macbook air 15" review. think better tho

heck it, new air here , hype hype hype iphone 5

bonus pic:

*note, no hamsters harmed during production of review, worst got mildly irritated.